It is a perfect summer night in Hawaii; there is a cool breeze – not too hot, not too cold. My eyelids are heavy, weighed down of jetlag from the time change from Japan. It is my birthday, but I am too tired to celebrate. As my mind starts drifting into the dream world, I hear a sudden outburst of a cheerful chorus of “Happy Birthday”. When finished, an explosion of applause erupts from my table, and a small cake is placed in front of me. All fatigue forgotten, I look around me, staring at the beaming faces of family and friends alike, all wearing beautiful, red flowers in their hair. I tug at the hem of my dress, nervous under the eye of so many, and blow out the ten candles neatly placed on the cake. A sudden gust of wind blows in my face, and I smell a mixture of burning candle wax and the salty ocean breeze. It is pleasant; I like it. Washing down the faint aftertaste of pineapples from dinner, I pick up the cold silverware, ready to taste my surprise birthday cake. My mother gives me the first piece, and I hastily bite into the rich chocolate cake, savoring every sweet bite.
--Marie
lovin the use of all the senses. like "a sudden gust of wind blows in my face, and i smell a mixture of burning candle was and the salty ocean breeze"
ReplyDeleteYour paragraph brought back my memories of my past birthdays. Your word choice was excellent, and I enjoyed reading it(: great job!
ReplyDeletewow.. that was really discriptive, like I was there... lucky
ReplyDeletei like your sense words and your diction was bootylicious
ReplyDeleteI cant get over the fact that you were in Hawaii for your birthday. It's awesome! Your writing was so descriptive, I feel like I was there! But dont thinks it's strange that I was at your 10th birthday party when I only met you this year.. :P
ReplyDeleteno fair! i want to go to hawaii. great use of the senses. i like how your fatigue was forgotten when you saw your cake. :) haha.
ReplyDeleteand i guess your diction was bootylicious.
:P
thanks yall :)
ReplyDeletebobby and olivia - HAHA. I literally laughed out loud. :D